Thursday, January 1, 2009

treading water with a good attitude...

Hopefully it will be a better year. I am almost embarrassed by what I wrote a couple of days ago. But it was where I was at - at that moment. That same day, later that evening, my oldest daughter was in a car accident and totalled her car and the car that hit her was totalled as well. It was a miracle that she is alive - when you look at the damage to both cars. I am very grateful that I still have a living 18 year old daughter!

I will keep treading that water. I won't give up. I will keep trying to see the Lord working in small ways to show me that He loves me. I will keep focusing on grace and not on my sins, which I know have been forgiven and nailed to the tree. I will try to lower my expectations for myself and my children and even for my husband. (I guess there is truth to that saying blessed is he is does not expect anything for they will not be disappointed. Sounds a bit cynical I guess.)

I know that when I look over the past 37 years the Lord has NOT let me down, even though there were times where I wondered where He was and what He was doing. It's just being in the thick of it all, muddling through and not getting stuck in the mud/mire/sludge.

I don't have many choices do I? I have children depending on me and I need to keep going forward for their sake. I don't have the luxury of time - to allow myself to settle in this mode of thinking. They are with me for only a short while and I will so miss them when they are grown and on their own. I have recently read stories of people who have gone through much worse than what I have ever experienced and they have emerged from their ordeal with their heads held high and their faith in dthe Lord still intact.

I just pray this year the Lord will continue to show me mercy and grace and perhaps bring me a friend or two.

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